These are the two most popular responses of friends when I tell them I am heading to Haiti. Excited is not the right word, and I am having a difficult time finding one that sums up the energy about me when I think of going to Haiti. I am not scared. And as surprised about that you, but I can honestly say I have an indescribable sense of calm. Peace, maybe, but peace implies that I am not bothered,and I am. I am saddened by my lack of knowledge about Haiti prior to this Earthquake, disturbed by the ongoing decay in the country and lives of the people who call it home. At the same time calm, because I fully see hope in the person of Jesus Christ and have joy in the fact that in some small way I will get to minister to the needs of the people in a country that to be honest I still know very little about.
Which leads me to the question of readiness. How can one ever be ready for this? I am more prepared than I was last year, even more than last week ore yesterday. I have been through training with ReachGlobal, I have worked a week here and there at the Dream Center, never imagining that I would need that experience as much as I am drawing on it now. I got my shots, I am getting Malaria meds in my system. I am reading Mountains Beyond Mountains, watching the news old and new on Haiti, and I am collecting my supplies, but no I am not ready.
I doubt I will be ready. But I am not sure that it matters...if I failed to go because of my lack of preparedness I would miss out on having God meet me in my weaknesses. I know I am going to need God like never before, and I am ready for him to meet me in Haiti in ways I cannot prepare for.
God and I met this morning when he woke me up so we could have an early morning chat. He kindly reminded me of the call He has placed on my life. A call that fits for Rome, fit for Youth Ministry, Children's Ministry and fits for Haiti. Jeremiah 1 is God calling Jeremiah to be a prophet to the nations. It is also how God called me into an awareness of who He created me to be. It was what I needed to hear this morning a reminder of God's hand that knit me together, His hand that touched my lips and placed His words in my mouth, His hand that is holding me now and His hand that will rescue me in my time of need.
So, yes I am excited to see how the life God has created me for continues to unfold as I follow His prompting. And yes, I am ready to know God in new ways as I encounter Him in the lives of His children in Haiti and as I struggle to understand Him in midst of a disaster so devastating.